Luke: YO!
Joe: DICK PILLS!
Luke: Commendation.
Joe: Indeed.
Luke: We have returned from the Small Press Expo with mostly positive tales.
Joe: Kinda
Luke: There were bar mitzvahs, horrifying running, meet ups, dick pics, adventures in Boston and rapping!
Joe: except for those last three
Luke: Well, you drew a dick for friend of the comic Jen Vaughn, Alvaro “Blackwolf” Wizardstone rapped and I confuse Baltimore and Boston.
Joe: Oh yes. Sparkly kawaii dicks desu~
Luke: and The Boston Baked Ravens. Let’s do a day by day review – Friday!

FRIDAY: FUCKING DRIVING

Luke: With the Medic from TF2. We had adventures in not having a map! And three gas stations not selling maps! And then BBQ!
Joe: That tasted like Arby’s.
Luke: Yours tasted like Arby’s? Mine tasted like awesome.
Joe: It tasted like Arby’s. So fuck you.
Luke: And then we went to Baltimore and before you could say “It’s Clobbering Time” we were at the Nerdlinger Awards!
Joe: AFter getting lost in Downtown Baltimore. I actually kinda knew where we were but…
Luke: You didn’t say anything? We spent $40 on car washes from homeless people because you didn’t speak up?
Joe: I had no idea where the book store was so that didn’t really help out situation in the slightest.
Luke: Oh. Okay. I got an award from CLIrt Franklin and Chris Haley for being the best unpaid intern and we met friendternet Chris “Rhianna Puncha” Brown.
Joe: A delightful fellow. Also Jen Vaughn.
Luke: Yes. And we met with Jen Vaughn who knows and writes AND draws comics about lady juices. Lady Juices is my Van Morrison cover band.
Joe: Good to know.
Luke: The Nerdlinger Award I got was a beer that I nursed for a while and then the Medic drank the rest – I am a rum and coke drinker. And then shit went south.
Joe: Hard.
Luke: We got to the hotel and it wasn’t a brothel. By which I mean we got lost and then found out the comics we ordered had not come in yet.
Joe: And in the meantime, I had been kidnapped by a scary bald Floridian, a Hebraic fellow, and a couple from New Jersey in the hotel parking lot.
Luke: And my credit card was totally declined! Luckily my dad was there and his worked because of science and having more money.
Joe: SHITWAFFLES.
Luke: So we finally settled in for the evening and I totally forgot to talk about lunch. We had Turkish food.
Joe: Lebanese. It was food that like kissing other food.
Luke: I’m in Lebanese with you.
Joe: That’s gay. Moving on.
Luke: But yeah, settled in and then went to bed after watching tv.

SATURDAY: SHIT AND CRAP

Luke: Next morning: Woke up bright and early! Had bagels! But no comics!
Joe: I FUCKING LOVE RAW FISH AND CREAM CHEESE …Yes. Lack of comics. The comics were not there. Those fucking comics.
Luke: Due to things out of my control like my computer dying, money issues and e-gypsies, the 70 sets of comics we ordered with Kickstarter money did not arrive. And so we got our passes and we like “Fuck the police, let’s go to Staples”.
Joe: STAPLES!
Luke: Staples, the place where you pay $.20 a minute to use Internet Explorer!
Joe: FUCK YOU GUYS!
Luke: Maryland – Sponsored By Microsoft. After dealing with the UPS I resolved myself to the fact that we would need to make more! Luckily I had gotten paid by client so I could afford it.
Joe: Sorta. Fuck UPS!
Luke: And then we figured out that the Socialfist book is put together super awesomely!
Joe: Oh yes. It’s very unique. Share with the folks at home.
Luke: Hate American superhero comics? Tired of reading like a freedom loving American? Socialfist Vol 1 reads front to middle and back to middle! East meets West!
Joe: It’s very progressive. (Changeling is awesome perfect just fyi)
Luke: Verily. So luckily friendternets Jon Hex and Chris Brown joined in to help us beat the comics into the correct format…for 3 hours.
Joe: 3 hours. In. Fucking. STAPLES.
Luke: Joe is angry because he had to deal with a horrible paper cutter.
Joe: FUCK YOU.
Luke: for cutting the Changelings in half.  So we finally had books ready for the con.
Joe: >:-[
Luke: I ended up selling my first book set to Dave Shabet of Dead Winter who is an internet bro.
Joe: Nice. And again, we met at some point on Saturday afternoon and I seemed kind of unhinged, this is why.
Luke: So we ran around selling and giving out books until we met up with the gang again of … Joe you list them off.
Joe: Let’s see… Jordan, Max Robinson, Cap’n Fuck, Xaiados, Jon Hex/Brooks, Chris “I didn’t beat up Rihanna that one time” Brown, christ there were a couple people I didn’t know. It was like being one of the popular kids.
Luke: And then we got paid to have dinner with a dude so we had fried chicken.
Joe: We are classy. And Phil was pretty awesome.
Luke: Phil Kahn was a wonderful person to eat fried chicken with. And then we gave the rest to the group of friends from earlier cuz we roll like that.
Joe: We. Are classy.
Luke: We did get chased off for eating it too close to the empty restaurant patio though.
Joe: Didn’t catch that part. Where was I? Oh wait, I took a shower
Luke: You went back to get ready for SAF.
Joe: Yeah.
Luke: I also ran into my old roommate Dustin as well as Alvaro “Blackwolf” and other friends like Flynn Nicholls. Errr Flying Nipples.
Joe: uh-huh
Luke: And then Joe came back, I met T Campbell, Alvaro and Company left and we went to 7/11 and they had a plethora of fancy collector Slurpee cups.
Joe: Yes, Drinkin’ Slurpee from Chris Hemsworth’s spine!

Picture! (Luke was missing because he wanted to ride up an escalator – an outside escalator!)

Luke: We then discovered disaster as there was giant crowd waiting for the Ignatz Awards and little to no AC. I floated around, the Medic decided to head back to the room to rest and I lost track of Joe.
Joe: I popped out of the amphitheater to go sit down because it was too hot and my feet were throbbing so I ended up sitting outside with some of the SAF people.
Luke: I ended up winning with my picks for the Ignatz bracket even though I didn’t vote and I walked away with a collection of fine dinner spoons suitable for eating.
Joe: Hurrah. My friends Tony and Darryl were both up for awards and congrats to them on the nominations and more congrats to Darryl for winning the Promising New Talent award.
Luke: Also Box Brown, who I apparently have a back cover quote on his latest Everything Dies book, also won two awards.
Joe: wooo!
Luke: And now talk about Super Art Fight.
Joe: Hoo boy.
Luke: Joe, you get to talk about it.
Joe: Right so… how do I start this?
Luke: B-ball, neighborhood, auntie, taxicab.
Joe: what
Luke: Joe Hunter, Jamie Noguchi, hentai vs comedians. Go!
Joe: Balls. Uhh… so Super Art Fight, for those of you at home who don’t know, is basically combat pictionary? Kinda? You start out with a topic and draw that on a huge piece of paper while fucking with the other person’s work and every five minutes you get another topic that you have to somehow work into stuff, while continuing to fuck with your opponent. God I hope that makes sense. So anyway, I was the second match of the evening and I was up against Jamie Noguchi of the webcomic Yellow Peril, one of the founders of Super Art Fight, and probably one of the nicest dudes I’ve ever met.

Tumblr Post With Pictures!

Luke: And then there was booze and chocolate.
Joe: I just had booze.
Luke: Thanks to Super Art Fight for also hooking me up with booze in the form of rum and coke. (except it was pepsi)
Joe: Ah yes. Thanks Ross! Rum and pepsi. Blasphemy.
Luke: And then we were like “fuck it, let’s go and die”.
Joe: Yes.
Luke: And we watched SNL.
Joe: And died. How long has Keenan Thompson been on SNL? And what the fuck happened to Kel?
Luke: Since 2003.
Joe: fuck.
Luke: Kel is apparently on Attack of the Show.
Joe: …the fuck. Okay screw it

SUNDAY: Sunday Sunday Sunday

Luke: Got up, got Dunkin Donuts, saw Phil Kahn there and then met up with Medic Dad who spent a lot of the weekend reading Sirens of Titan. It was also at this time that I worked out hotel payment and got to be like “screw selling more comics” and then we got to spend sales money. But before that was the Chinese Food Mall!
Joe: FUNBUCKS… Oh god.
Luke: There is a mall about 3 blocks from the hotel that has 6 places to eat.
Joe: I take it back, God had abandoned this food court.
Luke: Mrs Fields, Sbarro and Smoothie King. Everything else had Chinese food including American BBQ Experience or whatever it was called.
Joe: Texas BBQ
Luke: ABBQE is better but yeah. Their brisket was not real brisket. And then Joe died from mall sushi and I had the saddest lo mein.
Joe: Mall sushi is made from sadness. Mall Sushi: Taste The Sorrow!
Luke: Fun fact: There was a Like Mike 2. The plot summary ends with “At the end of the movie Ray is screaming from his car and Jerome’s shoes are hung up on a street light.”
Joe: Okay.
Luke: But yes, mall sushi because strip mall Russian seemed like a bad idea! After that I went back and spent money and gave out the rest of my comics.
Joe: I went and bought things, hung out with my friend Mark and his (former?) room mate, walked around more, traded comics with internetfriend Josh who I’ve known forever… Uhh…
Luke: I’d waited too long and missed out on the new Nedroid and Dresden Codakbooks so I got the Midnight Surprise #1 and buttons, Vattu #1 from Rice Boy and Very Near Mint #1. Also, KC Green is a level 12 awesome guy.
Joe: Nice. Very much so.
Luke: So after that we met up and went to the Silver City Diner which was full of whiny kids. And vanishing waitresses.
Joe: still good though
Luke: And then we saw the smallest Trader Joes, I realized Werewolves of London was about hipsters and we headed back for reading. Had I had money I would have joined Roger Langridge and Jeph Jacques in drinking magic.
Joe: Also I was more or less dead at this point.
Luke: So we read. I’d gotten tired of the sad death stuff in Machine of Death (which I brought to get signed) and borrowed Yellow Peril Vol 1 and Hopeless Savages from Joe which I finished.
Joe: …goddamnit, I never got Justin and Lee to sign their stuff for me. CUUUUURRRRSESSSSSSS!
Luke: I got my copy of Very Near Mint signed.
Joe: >:-[
Luke: So yeah, Joe and my dad passed out and I was up till about 3 reading and finishing Hopeless Savages because Euge did a song about it. And I was stupid congested for the weekend.
Joe: Lots of people were
Luke: And then it was

MONDAY: THE RETURN OF THE KING

Joe: Fucking Monday.
Luke: Got up, got McD’s, waited, found the package was at the hotel and headed back stopping for lunch along the way. I got my laptop back with nothing on it and started reinstalling shit.
Joe: I went home and had a burrito thing from Italian Chipotle.
Luke: I had soup. And my soup has been disappearing.
Joe: Those bastards
Luke: But yeah. good stuff.

People Who We Met But Didn’t Mention:

Luke: Jeff Rowland, Yuko and Ananath, Chris Hastings, Jess Fink, Aaron Diaz, Tom Sciolli and I think that was everyone not previously mentioned. Of course I only really talked to KC Green and Dave Shabet because of conventions. Oh, and all of the people with exhibitor badges who I shot the shit with. (tired of linking, sorry)
Joe: Kel McDonald swapped minis with me and gave me lettering advice because I am terrible at it, finally met internetfriends Rachel and Gray… uhhh… shit
Luke: If you can’t remember we can go on.
Joe: Crap I can’t. Going on.

The Best Moment At The SPX!:

Joe: …
Luke: For me it was that moment of not getting the package in and being like “time to show why I won Best Unpaid Intern.”
Joe: d’awwww
Luke: What was your best moment?
Joe: uhhh… just like… meeting people? I guess?

The Worst Moment At The SPX ?

Joe: FUCKING UPS FOREVER. Scott Davis can ride a wheelbarrow filled with dicks right up his own ass. You?
Luke: Congestion.
Joe: ah
Luke: Seriously only being half blocked in my nose tunnels sucks.

Most Homoerotic Moment Every Night At The SPX ? Errrr… Next Year, What Can We Improve On?

Joe: Getting shit together sooner?
Luke: Yeah! And having a table.
Joe: god…
Luke: Busking ain’t fun yo!
Joe: Nope. Tables are my favorite nonverbal barrier.
Luke: So are you reading for NYCC where we will have chapters 2 and 3 of Changeling ready?
Joe: No. And fuck you.
Luke:  What comic is this commentary even attached to?
Joe: The one for tomorrow I assumed.
Luke: #30
Joe: yeah
Luke: Oh man, Nut Tot Is Not A Swear. Some day do you think people will say Nut Tot?
Joe: Someone told me they were attempting to work it into their vocabulary and I don’t remember who…
Luke: Oh man, we gotta expand the comic vernacular but first I gotta get read – I am graduating this week. Even though I am skipping the ceremony. Which is in 9 months.
Joe: woo
Luke: So yeah. See you Friday for the third update!